What are your non-negotiables?

Wow, what a deep question? At least that's what I think. It's one of the most life altering questions you can ask yourself. Have you ever stopped, sat down, and wrote out your non-negotiables. I believe everyone who wants to do something great with their lives has to, at some point, take the time to identify their non-negotiables. I am constantly reviewing my non-negotiables. I have to! They keep me focused on my dreams and help me to not settle in this life.


Do you ever feel like you are settling? Like you have stopped fighting for your dreams and are becoming content with just getting by? Having a job that barely pays the bills? Having ok relationships instead of your Prince Charming? I believe that having non-negotiables helps you proclaim your decision to have the life you know you deserve. It's a reference point for you to use to verify that you're on track.

So lets talk about what exactly is a non-negotiable ...

There are decisions that are made in your mind based upon on your values and beliefs and convictions that you will not change. These are 'deal breakers' to you, your non-negotiables, the lines you will not cross. If you don't know what your 'deal breakers' in life are, those things that no one can talk you into doing, then you don't really know yourself very well.

Some non-negotiables are things you won't do under any circumstances. Others are those things that you refuse to let anyone stop you from pursuing. There are some things that we all (hopefully) agree are non-negotiables for everyone, like not committing murder or not stealing. Other non-negotiables are things that are very personal and specific to us.

Here are some samples of my non-negotiables:

Here are some things that I WON'T do:

• I won’t break the law. (ehem, this might not include the occasional speeding…)
• I won’t cheat on my husband.
• I won't jeopardize my health for the prosperity of my business.
• I won’t drink, swear, or do anything that violates God's laws.

Some of my non-negotiables are things I WILL do:

• I will pray and read the Bible daily.
• I will read a self-improvement book at least 15 minutes every day.
• I will educate and empower a minimum of 10 people every month.
• I will have a date night with my husband at least once each month.
• I will journal and write down my goals each week.

How do I know that these are my non-negotiables? I know because I have been tested. I have been in many different situations where decisions about these values of mine have come up and I haven't budged despite considerable pressure to do so.
Do I work hard on my business and put all of my energy into it? Yes! Will I allow my health to fail while I push myself harder and harder to get one more thing done at work? No! Having good health is non-negotiable to me.
Do I go out with friends and have a great time? Yes! Will we go out clubbing and drinking! No! Breaking God's laws is a non-negotiable to me. I'll find other things we can do and still have fun.
Do I have a date night with my husband at least once a month? Yes! Will we spend money we don't have to do it? No! Keeping my marriage fresh and new is a non-negotiable for me and we'll find fun things to do that won't break our budget.
Do I read my goals every day? Yes! Will I allow life and other people to distract me? No! Dreaming big every day is non-negotiable to me. I always keep track of where I want to go and how I'm going to get there.



Non-negotiables shouldn't be a chore
The idea of non-negotiables is that they aren't a chore to be done, but rather who we are without thinking about it. They're just a part of your day. You just do them.
How do you make them a part of you? Ask yourself these questions:

• What do I believe? What are my values?
  
• What actions would I say no to no matter who asked me to do them?
  
• When can I make time for things I need to do EVERY day? Where can I place them so that they're a priority in my life?
  
• When I wake up in the morning, how can I feed my body and soul today in order to bring my best self to the world?
  

You are supposed to live who you are to the best of your ability, while constantly seeking to improve. Non-negotiables are the tools to help you do this.



Non-negotiable doesn't mean inflexible
Being flexible is important. Non-negotiables aren't meant to be a straight jacket for our lives. They're meant to define us and help us decide how we will behave without sacrificing that sense of self.
If we decide that we won't go clubbing, it doesn't mean that we don't spend time with our friends. It just means that we figure out how to do it somewhere other than in clubs.
If we decide that we're not going to hang around negative people and our boss is negative, that doesn't mean that we quit our job (although that might need to be an option). It just means that we spend as little time around him and listening to his negativity that we can get away with.
The thing to watch out for is that we don’t get so flexible that we lose our grip on what’s really important to us. Little by little, day by day, we can let things slide in such a way that pretty soon the things that matter are no longer a part of our daily or life routine. If that happens, we've lost sight of who we are and what our values are. In other words, we've forgotten what our non-negotiables are.

Here are a few thing that might need to be non-negotiable in your life.

• Your physical, mental, and emotional well-being

• A healthy relationship with yourself

• Keeping your word to yourself and others

• Associating with positive people

• Your values

What are the things that you won't compromise on, the things that no one can talk you out of either doing or not doing? Be specific and detailed. These are the things that define you. These are your non-negotiables and they make you great, not just good. I strongly believe that good is the enemy of greatness. Don't settle!

The Power of Aha Moments

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything clicked? When that light bulb went off in your head and you thought “Yes! I get it!” That's an 'aha moment.' That's a moment when everything that you thought you knew about something changed. It's a moment of clarity, a defining moment when you gain real wisdom – wisdom you can use to change your life.

Let me tell you about an 'aha moment' that really changed my life. It came when I was working for a mortgage company. This mortgage company was founded around the time when the housing boom was at its peak. At the time, everyone was either buying their first home or refinancing the one they had. The company was owned by Nick, a sharp, slick, 30-something Italian-American man. He was really good at what he did and you could tell it just by looking at him. His business was thriving, the market was booming, and he was on top of the world. Nick and I had developed a pretty good working relationship while I was there and I had become one of the company's top closers. As a result, I was making more money than I had ever made before.


One day, I told Nick that an opportunity had come my way to get involved with a financial services company; a company where I could learn a lot more about how money worked ... and not just in the area of mortgages. The income potential also looked a lot better than what Nick was offering me and I told him that I was considering changing jobs to go work for them.


A couple days after I told him this, he called me into his office for a heart-to-heart talk. With complete sincerity, he told me that I needed to keep working for him for four reasons:

1. First, because I was young and inexperienced (20 years old);
   
2. second, because I was a woman (and women couldn't be very successful in business);
   
3. third, because I was African-American (and everyone knows that we couldn't possibly be successful in business);
   
4. fourth and finally, because I was born and raised in 'the hood' (the worst drug-infested Project in Chicago from which no-one could ever possibly rise to success).
   

“You need to stick with me because this is as successful as you're going to get” he told me.


When you first look at it, everything he said made a lot of sense and it could have been very easy to have accepted Nick's view of things at that point. After all, I was making over $60,000 a year working for him as a mortgage agent, a fortune to everyone in my family.


What happened at that point is that I had an 'aha moment.' Oprah says the Aha! effect is “a sudden moment of realization, where an individual recognizes that they need to make a change or move forward in life.” At that moment, it 'clicked' for me. I got it. In that instant I realized that Nick was wrong for every reason that he believed that he was right:

1. My young age gave me the time to learn how to build a business before I got old and worn out.
   
2. Women are making great strides in business and more and more role models, like Oprah, are popping up every day.
   
3. African-Americans are moving into positions of leadership like never before (just look at our president).
   
4. My 'disadvantaged' childhood gave me the mental toughness to not take no for an answer.
   

In that moment, my 'aha' moment', I realized that all of Nick's reasons for me staying were all of the reasons that I had to leave. I could never reach my full potential by working in his business. I needed to move on and build my own business. I thanked Nick for his 'great' advice but told him that my mind was made up and I was moving on.


A few weeks later I left Nick's business and went to work for that financial services business. As a result of that 'aha moment,' I learned a whole lot more about myself and business than I could have ever learned if I had stayed with Nick. Those great experiences gave me the knowledge and ability to create and build F.I. Coaching and I've never looked back or regretted my decision. I have an awesome life.



What's your life like? Are you happy with how things are going? Are you satisfied?
or …
Do you have a nagging feeling that things could be better? Do you feel that you're not reaching for your potential? Do you feel that there's something special that you were born to do? Maybe your 'aha moment' is just around the corner.
When an 'aha moment' happens, it's usually the result of a determined, hard-working and open-minded person trying, and failing, to find a solution to a given problem. One day, all of that work suddenly becomes an “I get it!” That person has an 'aha moment' and their life is never the same afterward.

The French inventor Louis Pasteur once said, "Chance favors the prepared mind."

What are you preparing for?